Healing the Empty Space Within: My Journey Through Loneliness, Depression, and Ayurveda
For most of my twenties, I carried a weight that felt unbearable. Loneliness, depression, and an overwhelming sense of low self-worth consumed me. There were days when the hole in my chest felt so vast, it seemed as if it would swallow me whole. The pain wasn't just emotional; it was physical, a gnawing ache that left me wondering if I could keep going. At times, I genuinely believed that these feelings would kill me.
For a long time, I thought the answer lay outside myself. I believed that being in a relationship would fix me. I thought that if someone loved me, it would validate my existence and fill the void I felt inside. But even when I tried to find solace in relationships or external achievements, the emptiness remained. What I learned—slowly and painfully—is that no one else could fix what was broken inside me.
The turning point came when I discovered Ayurveda. This ancient system of healing shifted my perspective entirely. It taught me that true wellness begins from within and that food could be my most powerful medicine. It wasn’t just about eating for nourishment; it was about eating to heal. By understanding my body, mind, and spirit through the lens of Ayurveda, I began to repair that empty, hole-like feeling that had haunted me for years.
Falling in Love with Myself
Ayurveda didn’t just teach me how to heal; it taught me how to love myself. Falling in love with myself was the most transformative experience of my life. It wasn’t about arrogance or vanity but about recognizing my intrinsic worth, embracing my imperfections, and realizing that I didn’t need external validation to feel whole. Ayurveda showed me how to nurture my body and mind, honour my cycles, and to connect with the deeper parts of myself that I had ignored and had been running from for so long.
This is what I want for other women, too. I want you to know that you are already complete. If you find love, let it be because you choose it, not because you think you need it to feel worthy. Learning to be comfortable and happy in your own company is one of the most empowering spaces you can ever reach. It’s a foundation of strength and abundance, a place where you’re no longer seeking validation but offering love to yourself and the world from a place of fullness.
The Ayurvedic Perspective: Understanding the Imbalances
From an Ayurvedic perspective, the feelings of disconnection, loneliness, and low self-worth often arise from imbalances in the doshas, subdoshas, srotas (channels), and dhatus (tissues). Let’s unpack this:
Vata Dosha: Vata, the dosha of air and space, governs movement and communication in the body and mind. When Vata is imbalanced, it can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and instability. This imbalance often manifests as overthinking, restlessness, and an inability to feel grounded.
Prana Vata (Subdosha): Prana Vata, a subset of Vata located in the head and chest, is responsible for mental clarity and emotional stability. When Prana Vata is disturbed, it can create feelings of emptiness, disconnection, and a lack of purpose.
Sadhaka Pitta (Subdosha): This subdosha of Pitta governs the heart and mind, influencing emotions and self-worth. An imbalance in Sadhaka Pitta can lead to self-criticism, perfectionism, and feelings of inadequacy.
Tarpaka Kapha (Subdosha): Tarpaka Kapha, which resides in the brain and cerebrospinal fluid, supports emotional nourishment and memory. When this subdosha is out of balance, it can result in feelings of emotional numbness and difficulty experiencing joy.
Srotas (Channels): The mind’s channel (Manovaha Srotas) and the heart’s channel (Hridaya Srotas) play a significant role in emotional health. Blockages or toxins (ama) in these channels can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and disconnection.
Dhatus (Tissues): The rasa (plasma) and majja (nervous system) dhatus are critical for emotional well-being. Weakness or toxicity in these tissues can result in fatigue, low energy, and an inability to process emotions effectively.
Healing Through Ayurveda
Healing these imbalances requires a multi-faceted approach that addresses the body, mind, and spirit. Here are the practices that supported me on my journey:
Nourishing Food: I began eating warm, grounding foods tailored to balance my Vata dosha. Soups, stews, and foods cooked with ghee and warming spices like ginger, cinnamon, and cumin became staples in my diet.
Daily Rituals: Establishing a routine was crucial for calming my restless mind. Morning oil massages (Abhyanga) with sesame oil, followed by meditation and gentle yoga, helped me feel grounded and connected.
Herbal Support: Herbs like ashwagandha, brahmi, and shatavari supported my nervous system and enhanced my emotional resilience.
Emotional Processing: Journaling and self-reflection allowed me to process my feelings and release old patterns of self-criticism.
Connection with Nature: Spending time in nature—walking barefoot on the earth, sitting under trees, and listening to the sounds of life—helped me reconnect with something greater than myself.
A Life of Abundance and Connection
Today, I no longer feel that empty hole inside me. Ayurveda helped me fill it with love, nourishment, and connection—to myself, to others, and to the universe. The journey wasn’t easy, but it’s worth every step.
If you’re struggling with loneliness, depression, or low self-worth, I want you to know that healing is possible. It starts with you. It starts with recognizing your worth, nurturing yourself, and understanding that you are already whole. Ayurveda is not just a system of medicine; it’s a way of life that can guide you back to yourself. From this place of self-love and abundance, you can create a life of joy and connection—a life where love, when it comes, is a choice, not a necessity.
You are enough. And you are worth the journey.
Resources:
Some podcasts & talks to support!
Loneliness and Impermanence- Michael Stone
What A Time To Be Alone! Releasing Fear of Being Alone- Slumflower
Easing Loneliness & Feeling More Connected- Dharmapunx
Impact of Loneliness on Health: Causes, Risks, and Solutions -Dr. John Douillard
References:
Lad, Vasant. Textbook of Ayurveda: Fundamental Principles (The Ayurvedic Press, 2002).
Frawley, David. Ayurveda and the Mind: The Healing of Consciousness (Lotus Press, 1997).
Pole, Sebastian. Ayurvedic Medicine: The Principles of Traditional Practice (Singing Dragon, 2012).
Svoboda, Robert E. Prakriti: Your Ayurvedic Constitution (Healing Arts Press, 1998).
Tiwari, Maya. The Path of Practice: A Woman's Book of Ayurvedic Healing (Ballantine Books, 2000).
